Broken Hearted

Sierra Vista will always contain a small part of my heart... I lived there four years, grew up, welcomed Devin into my life... so much that means SO much!

It breaks my heart that the fires are tearing it apart. The mountians that we hiked, the rock that Ally kissed because it looked like a heart, the waterfall that became our greatest challenge and the rattlesnake we saw there that scared me to death... all gone, all burned.

But that's not the worst part. The people that I love are in danger. So many houses have already burned down, and so many people have been evacuated. My heart breaks for their terror.

So, if you have a few extra prayers, send them to all these people that are wondering if they will have anything left at the end of the day, and the firefighters that I personally know that are doing what the can to save them.

My prayers and heart is with those amazing people and place that I learned to love...

All a Blur

Have you ever been so busy that you spend ever free second of the day running around ragged, and every minute of the day is so full that you fall into bed every night with still SO many things left on your to-do list? Yeah that was pretty much the entire month of May. There was parties, movies, the skating rink, track, swimming lessons, play group, babysitting, Pirates 4, field trips, sleepovers... only to name a few. So, I am not going to play catch-up, it would just take too long. So I am going to remember the month of May as a blur... Except that we finally finished laying sod and we now have GRASS!!! Alex and I did it all by ourselves and it looks great... pictures are coming...

Anyway, my camera charger has somehow disappeared along with several socks that make a lot of incomplete pairs... I ordered a new one, which should be here soon... and also means I will find my old one as soon as it arrives.

The first 11 days of this months have been filled with sleepovers, the park, Seven Peaks, visits to grandparents, birthday parties, picnics, ice cream parties, playing with friends, visiting bounce houses, babysitting, freezer club, visiting friends, play dates, sewing new curtains for our trailer (yay!), tieing a quilt for the trailer (mostly my mom on this one), Kung Fu Panda 2, bbq's... you get the idea. It has been oh so fun, but oh so busy!

So, I am going to try and be better! Not so much because I know I have so many readers dieing to know the intricate details and going-on's in my life... but because it is my main form of journaling and I am missing too much!

One little thing I have to mention is just too cute. Devin is OBSESSED with Toy Story, and I mean OBSESSED! He loves that show... well all 3 of them! When he first started watching it he would run around the house playing Buzz. He would always come up and say, "I am Butt Licker!" I know a little crude, but it made me laugh so hard... it only took a few days of me helping him enunciate and now he says it correctly, but it was oh so cute while it lasted!

Finally A Little Spring

Finally the day was warm enough to be outside! So we met up with some friends to go to the gardens at Thanksgiving Point, and it was a lot of fun.

It was fun to spend the afternoon with good friends!

All Snuggly

The other day I went in to pull Devin's blankets up before I headed to bed, only he wasn't in bed, and this is where I found him:


A different night I found him all cuddled up with Baby Jaguar.


My favorite night, I didn't get a picture of... He was so tired that he fell asleep in my arms while I read him a bed time story. There is never a better feeling then snuggling a sleeping toddler in your amrs!

Easter

The kids had a great time coloring Easter eggs. Devin ended up with neon blue an green hands... but the green cup he spilled didn't stain and the die came off in the tub.

The Easter Bunny brought both of the kids their baskets.



Then it was time for hunting eggs...


But Devin refused to leave his brand new cars and would not even consider leaving them to find eggs.

SO it was left up to Ally to find them all... and she finally found all 40 of them, the last one was a little tricky...

(who knew the Easter Bunny could hop so high?)

Ally got to wear the new outfit my mom had made her to church.

(isn't her new haircut cute?)

Spring Break (minus the Spring)

Our computer had a virus so I have been unable to download any pictures for a while... now I get to play catch up.

Ally had Spring Break a few weeks ago and we decided to do lots of fun stuff... only it was WAY too much and while fun, it was crazy!

Monday was the only day we didn't have aything planned. So we cleaned and grocery shopped... and Ally played with her bff.

Now Tuesday Ally went to my parents to sleep over, so Devin and I were left alone... but not for long. We went with some friends to Monkey Island in Lehi. Devin had a great time and we were there for a long time!





On Wednesday, Devin and I headed up to Salt Lake to pick up Ally and spend the day with my parents. We took the kids to The Discovery Museum at the Gateway.









Thursday, I had a picnic planned with another friend... only it was freezing that day! So we met to McDonald's for lunch and the kids played at the playplace. Then we ran home to give Devin a quick nap. After that I took Ally and her bff to Chuck-E-Cheese, where they had a birthday party. I had to take them home so I stayed, bought tokens and let Devin play all the games. Then we went home and Ally had that same friend sleepover.

Friday I babysat for 5 hours for a friend, and Ally went to Trafalga with her friend. By the time this day was over, I was way past exhaustd!

But, we weren't done yet. Saturday, Ally had a primary activity in the morning and then both the kids went to a birthday party in the afternoon.

Sunday was church and then over to Alex's dad's to drop off a present to his half brother.

So it wasn't very Springy, and it wasn' very relaxing but we were VERY busy and had a lot of fun!

Wherever the road may lead...

This has been a tough one to write... mostly because I don't think I am really ready for this.

If you don't know the story of Finn, do a quick catch up here, or the rest of this is just not going to make sense:

http://jensens22.blogspot.com/2010/03/story-of-finn.html

It all started several months ago, a prompting, a feeling... it was time; time to do foster care again.

What was my first reaction to this? "HECK NO!" and a complete decision to ignore that train of thought.

I was pretty good at ignoring that nagging feeling for a few more months, refusing to give in to that not-so-subtle command.

Then Alex and I were watching The Blind Side, and as the emotions of that amazing movie overcame me, I guess it was easy enough for the Spirit to wiggle it's way in and say, "It's time."

What did I do this time?... even though I was in an emotional euphoria from the movie, I am embarrassed to say my reaction was the same, "I am happy! I have two amazing children, I am enrolled to go to UVU in the fall, my plate is full. So, NOOOOOOO!"

Only this time, the ignoring it factor just didn't work as well. So many little moments and promptings... pleadings.

Ok, maybe there is supposed to be another child in our family... Alex's new amazing job matches a huge amount for adoption, I spent hours searching the internet, emailing an amazing friend that did that very thing...

But you know what? That wasn't what I was being asked to do. I was being asked to do foster care... not adopt, not try infertility treatments... foster care.

Really? I have free agency, right? I don't have to do this. I know Heavenly Father was with me last time, and I KNOW He remembers me back then, He can't really be requesting this of me.

Yes, I have free agency... but the Spirit has never, not once, let me down in my entire life. So I will obey.

I call, make appointments... half-heartedly, I have to admit. I set appointments for months in advance, drag my feet. I listen closely to Alex tell me that it really isn't something he wants to do again...

Then the month passes and the appointment is there to meet with DCFS. I almost cancelled it too many times to count. The man comes and talks to us, telling us everything left to go through, the classes, the home study, background checks, what to expect... I've been through this before. It's like I am not really there, almost checked out of the experience. But I agree to the classes, fill out half the paperwork and prepare for the classes to come...

We need babysitters for the classes... surely it isn't worth the stress, right? We need to move the office back downstairs, oh the pain of it. I don't know if Devin could handle another needy child in our family... actually I don't think *I* could handle another needy child. Only, something strange happens. Alex is suddenly not against it any more... what happened to my ally?

So, here I am, sitting with complete mixed emotions. Am I resigned to my fate? No, I realized something important, I DO have free agency. I don't have to do this. I know Heavenly Father is asking this of me, but I also know that He will still love and accept me, even if I choose that I can not go through with this. This is completely my decision.

So, I am moving forward, still extremely cautious and unsure if this is something I can do. What will this accompolish? Will it bring another child in our family to be ours forever? Will I be there to mend a broken heart until a mother can stand back on her own two feet? Or is it merely an experience to banish my past demons? Is that even possible?

I don't know, but I am going on this journey, unclear where I am headed, but I will follow to wherever the road may lead...