Journal

Yes, I have tons of pictures to post, but this isn't going to be one of those posts. This is for the sole purpose of just because.

I have learned something VERY important... NEVER ask the question "Can things get any worse?" Because, you know what, things can pretty much ALWAYS get worse. I have also heard the saying over and over, "God will never give you more then you can handle." I guess that one has to be true, because you either die or handle it... so since I am not dead I must be handling it.

I have learned another lesson, one that I never wanted. Humility. I'm a proud person, always have been. I never ask for help, I would rather die struggling then ask someone to help me out. So this lesson is a rough one for me.

I hate to admit this, but I even have a hard time asking in prayer for my Heavenly Father to help me out. I know I'm supposed to... but I always feel that I should try and handle it on my own, and not "bother" Him with my needs. I guess He had enough of my pride and He decided to give me a lesson that I can't handle on my own... and I have tried, believe me I have, but this time I need help. I need Him to step in and be there with me. So, what happened when I begged for help? He didn't come in and "fix" it... things are still feeling a little hopeless right now. So does that mean He didn't answer me? Not even close.

It's like the story from the New Testament when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. He comes to the house of Mary and Martha and all the Jews that are weeping with them. Upon seeing them upset and sad that Lazarus is dead, comes the scripture, "Jesus wept". Why did He cry? He knew he would soon raise Lazarus from the dead and all of their pain would be replaced with pure and uncomparable joy. Why didn't He simply say that He would fix it and everything would be better? He didn't weep because He was hurting that Lazarus was dead, he was weeping because He felt their pain. He saw the bigger picture, yet He still mourned with them in their pain.

That's where we are at, mourning and sad because we are in the middle of this one journey. He can see the bigger picture, He knows what is in store for us yet in my need He weeps with me.

It doesn't make everything all better, but it reminds me that I am loved and cared for. That even though He can see what glory awaits me, he will still stay by my side, hold my hand, and weep with me. It's just too easy to forget how powerful His love really is, and I am ashamed I have taken it for granted.